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Wikipedia:Best of BJAODN

This is a collection of the best jokes and nonsense from Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense. The criteria for a joke getting on this page is simple: at least one Wikipedian found it funny.

See also:

And the special features:


From Coleoptera: The most musical of the Insecta, Coleoptera are known for their tight, 4-part harmonizing and catchy melodies.
From drummer: Someone who hangs out with musicians.
From Cryptozoology:

Cryptozoology studies such "hidden", undiscovered and possibly non-existent creatures as the bigfoot, what happens when a sock disappears from the washing machine, (cf. Patterson-Gimlin[?] film) and the Loch Ness Monster.


From Larry Sanger/The art of Wikipedia weeding[?]:

TRANSMISSION FROM THE YEAR 2007: STANDBY FOR TIME MOVEMENT:

Weeding was generally thought to be the first indication that Wikipedia would lose its free form nature and become moderated[?] by a small knit circle of fascists willing to impose their own intellectual aesthetic on others, much like Slashdot. Although this increased the consistency of the site and decreased the number of punctuation and spelling errors, a small and militant minority noticed the decrease in the intellectual diversity of the entries, and went on to form it's own splinter group, Shittipedia.

By 2005, Wikipedia had become an incorporated entity and was bought out by Westinghouse for 35 million dollars, making many of it's key authors very wealthy, while simultaneously alientating tens of thousands of miscreants, ne'er do wells, and other undesirables (who in fact had provided 90% of its content).

See Also fascism elitism Internet Authority Disease[?] --the naked net crusader (ed: otherwise known as the much-loved and missed Sammy Snake) (another ed: I would say "the sort of loved and "missed despite our better judgement Sammy Snake)


From Logical positivism:

Logical positivism asserts that only statements about empirical observations are meaningful, effectively asserting that all metaphysical statements are meaningless.

Unfortunately, this fundamental tenet of logical positivism belongs to the family of statements that it asserts to be meaningless. As a result, the entire edifice of logical positivism vanishes in a puff of logic.

This insight appears not to have occurred to the logical positivist school of philosophers.

This is true! I wonder why it got taken out... This is exactly one of the reasons why this positivism thing never kicked off


From talk:Adolf Hitler:

In any encyclopedia Hitler should be given a fair judgement.
He was not a blood-thirsty murderer. Rather a loving family man.
He liked a animals and was kind to them.
Anyway, we so often say that a person who shows kindness to animals can't be a bad person.
Besides he had done a lot of good for the Germans, at least before the WW2 broke out. Oh, and he enjoyed paying prostitutes to shit on him.


Mildly amusing vandalism from Jules Rimet trophy:

It is named after the FIFA president Jules Rimet who in 1929 passed a vote to initiate the competition after a bittersweet reunion with the gruff but lovable dwarf who took him in as a child and raised him despite his constant bout with Rickets.


From CPGM:

The Coalition to Prevent Gratuitous Misuse (CPGM) was organized in 1901 to protest the (then) common misuse of the word weight to mean mass. The movement gained momentum (defined as the vector product of its velocity and mass) when SI was officially adopted in place of metric system, which no longer carried its weight. This movement captured the imagination of the mass of scientists througout the world, although the general public remained unmoved, since a body at rest tends to remain at rest (see Newton's Laws).


From All your base are belong to us

It remains to be seen whether any of these phrases will acquire any global meaning at all, but if they do, you will most certainly read about it here first, as wikipedia is the authority on this kind of thing, and is certainly the only encyclopedia in any position to track such absurdity given how fast it grows.


From Gender analysis[?]:

Looking at one's sex. One must bend down.


From Cow tipping:

If you succeed in tipping a cow only partway, such that only one of its feet is still on the ground, you have created lean beef. Such a feat is well done. Naturally, being outside, the cow is unstable. When it falls over, it becomes ground beef. David


From Mandelbrot set:

Mandelbrot set

Sample generated image
Scientific classification
Kingdom:Mathematica
Phylum:Fractales
Class:Iteratae[?]
Order:Juliaformes[?]
Family:Amygdalartidae[?]
Genus: Amygdalartos
Species: benedictus
Binomial nomenclature
Amygdalartos benedictus
The Mandelbrot set (Amygdalartos benedictus, a close relative of the logistic map, A. logisticus) is a fractal.

From Malaga (province):

The Sun Coast (Costa del Sol) is a concrete monster that swallows, burns, and spits back millions of happy European tourists.


From Musician

However, musicians, at least insofar as their human manifestations go, can be distinguished from other creatures that create melodic sounds by their insistence on producing such sounds even when there is no clear reason for them to do so and even in the face of compelling reasons to cease such activity in favour of dealing with crises affecting their personal survival. In other words, even when no reward or likely advantage is to be obtained by the performance of "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Mustang Sally" in a bar full of losers, a musician will, nevertheless, perform such composition or other "song" requested by any audience even as his (or her) girlfriend (or boyfriend) is being wooed by the bartender and/or all his/her belongings are being carted off to a disposal site and/or staff of such establishment are telling him/her to "stop now!". (See also, "guitarist" and "singer" and "homeless person".)


From alternative rock: Alternative rock is the name given to one stone when you're looking at another stone. The term was coined by photographer Edwin Blastocyst when looking at one stone and speaking about another, oddly enough.
The quote from Edwin Blastocyst needs to be verified.

From Ontario:

Niagara Falls is on the border between Ontario and some unimportant part of the USA

I suppose if one was actually from North Tonowonda, it could be important, maybe...


From Poland:

From an Englishman's diary:
  • Monday: I went drinking with the Poles
  • Tuesday: I think I'm going to die
  • Wednesday: I went drinking with the Poles again
  • Thursday: Why the hell didn't I die on Tuesday...

And in Poland they tell this joke about russians ... Oh, well

From Politics of Belgium:

Each minister gets two elk to ride to and from the office.


From Student:

A student is a device for converting beer into ... nothing. Compare with mathematician.


What's big and red and eats rocks??
A big red rock-eater. Everyone knows that. But what is big, red and eats sand?

Amusingly enough, I put this here because i just discovered that a friend of mine (non-English-speaking) did not know this. :-) And ... I dunno, what?

A big red rock-eater on a diet.

From numerical analysis:

Finite elements[?] is a more powerful approach to numerical differential equations than finite difference, but mathematicians prefer the latter because the theorems are easier to prove. Shame on them.


From United States/Standard of Living[?]:

The United States is historically remarkable for being the first nation with obese poor people.


From Sociology:

Sociology is grand! It is the study of social structures like laws and rules and regulations and what we sociologists call. "Mores (pronounced more A's, beloved students) :-) and folkways and customs and taboos.

The word, "sociology", in its furthest "Far out!" context, is a real mind-bender because it means the study of all humanity.

"Sir! You think I can study six BILLION people?" :-)

Good Lord! :-)

Sociology! SOCIOLOGY!

Sociologists are the Gardeners in the Mind -- the "Ideaculturists" in the Garden if the Human Mind, quite like the horticulturists who deal with other growing things.

See a good offshoot? Perhaps help it along?

Cheers! :-)


From Wales:

"Not to be confused with Jimbo Wales, or with whales, which are both considerably smaller than Wales and not Celtic, as far as we know."


from special:WantedPages: (not deleted, but will eventually vanish from dynamic page)
Free will is wanted by 11 articles

From: Pupil
Q. Why was the teacher cross-eyed[?]?
A. Because she couldn't control her pupils.

From Wikipedia:Announcements

I would need the names & addresses of Literary Agents who's business is Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) related. Have used ESP all in my life and written a book about. The manuscript is completed and edited by a person who has nine of her books (not ESP related) published. Please send your suggestions to TomKallai@worldnet.att.net. Thanks for anybody's help. Tom Kallai

So you have ESP, right? So, why don't you just... man, this joke writes itself! --Stephen Gilbert

From: Nose picking

Quotations

  • "How did you know I went to Harvard?" "I noticed your class ring when you picked your nose."
  • "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."
  • "I know he picks his nose. Feel under the furniture."

From Voltaic Democratic Union

A shocking political development.



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