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Hitler has only got one ball

Hitler has only got one ball is the generic identification for vulgar lyrics to the popular "Colonel Bogey March". These are four-line lyrics making fun of the Nazi leaders.

It has been stated that Hitler's autopsy[?] revealed that he was indeed monorchic, but the confirmation comes from Soviet sources who may have had propaganda reasons for the assertion. When mentioned, the song asserts that Hitler lacked the right testicle, but the autopsy states that it was the left testicle that was missing.

In his autobiography Fringe Benefits, well-connected Anglo-Irish gadabout and publicist Donough O'Brien claims the original was written by his father, Toby O'Brien, also a publicity agent, in August, 1939 as British propaganda. [1] (http://www.fringe-benefits.co.uk/frinfacs)

This purported original version started with the words "Goering has only got one ball", and went on to imply that Hitler had two small ones. This is in contrast to virtually all later versions, in which the positions were reversed. In another variation from the later form, the final line of this original ends with the almost musical-comedy word play that Goebbels had "noebbels". Both these variations argue strongly in favor of this being a very early version.

No author has ever been identified for the more popular versions that begin "Hitler has only got one ball" or "Hitler has got one left ball". The statement that Himmler was "sim'lar" appears in all versions.

There are many variants to this song, most making fun of political leaders.

See also Discrediting tactics.

The song has frequently been heard and seen. The lyrics were not used in The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) because they were considered too vulgar. Thomas Pynchon quoted them in V. in the mouths of British artillerymen on Malta. Bette Midler sang them in her concert film Divine Madness[?] and they were also heard on the British TV sitcom 'Allo 'Allo[?]. No attempt is known to have been made to claim or enforce a copyright on these lyrics.

Quotation

From The Psychopathic God: Adolf Hitler (1978), by Robert G.L. Waite:

Since the matter is of considerable importance to the psychological development of Hitler from infancy onward, let us pause here and come to grips with the problem of the Fuhrer's testicles. It can now be affirmed that the British Tommies were right all along in the first line of their version of the Colonel Bogey March they were although manifestly mistaken in the last.

The autopsy performed by the Red Army pathologists on Hitler's body... [produced clear] findings:
The left testicle could not be found either in the scrotum or on the spermatic cord inside the inguinal canal, or in the small pelvis...

Variants This purported original version is interesting in that Goering has the one ball and Hitler apparently has two:

Goering has only got one ball
Hitler’s [are] so very small
Himmler’s so very similar
And Goebbels has noebbels at all!

That it starts with Goering and the musical comedy word play of rhyming Goebbels with "noebbels" both argue in favor of this being a very early version.

Variant #1

Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but very small,
Himmler has something sim'lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Variant #2

Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty bugger,
Cut it off when he was small.

Variant #3

Frankfurt has only one beer hall,
Stuttgart, die München all on call,
Munich, vee lift our tunich,
To show vee 'Cherman' have no balls at all.

Variant #4

Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in the old town hall,
His mother, she pinched the other,
Now Hitler ain't got none at all!

Variant #5

Hans Otto is very short, not tall,
And blotto, for drinking Singhai and Skol.
A 'Cherman', unlike Bruce Erwin,
Because Hans Otto has no balls at all.

Variant #6 In Thomas Pynchon's novel V., the following variant is sung by British artillerymen in Malta in 1940.

Hitler has only one left ball
Goering has two but they are small.
Himmler was somewhat similar
And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all

Not a variant, but a theory on the source of the problem

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini bit his weenie
That's why it won't work

Variant #6 I remember singing the Hitler song as a youngster growing up in England. Young people my age enjoyed it enormously. I have never forgotten a song, the words are very clear and are similar to variant 1. But it is in th past tense:

Hitler, he only had one ball
Goering had two but very small
Himmler, had something sim'lar
And only Goeballs had no-balls at all.

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